


His & His

by christinefromsherwood



Series: 007 Fest 2020 [31]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, Q and Bond are the worst, Ridiculous petnames, Undercover as Married, poor r
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:27:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25564312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/christinefromsherwood/pseuds/christinefromsherwood
Summary: Everyone thought that when Q and Bond finally got together, they would stop flirting so much on the coms.R would really like to know what she did wrong in a previous life to deserve this fate.
Relationships: James Bond/Q
Series: 007 Fest 2020 [31]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1809718
Comments: 23
Kudos: 126
Collections: 007 Fest Fancreations





	His & His

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Celyan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Celyan/gifts).



> written for the Collab Prompt Table and Mely, who asked for:  
> "Everyone thought that when Q and Bond finally got together, they would stop flirting so much on the comms. Instead, the opposite happened. And it was even worse when Q had to join Bond into the field as his (not so) fake boyfriend and R was forced to be the one to guide them. R would really like to know what she did wrong in a previous life to get such a fate. "

“After you, Mr. Lamington.”

“No, after _you_ , Mr. Lamington.”

Shoulders screaming with pent-up tension, R tugged at her hair. The two bastards were doing it on purpose, she was sure of it.

“No, after _you!_ ”

Once she’d mentioned that it would be nice to get a break from their flirting on the coms now they were finally together. Only once! She’d been regretting it since the mission started.

Q must have shared her remark with Bond and they’d apparently decided that since they were already posing as newlyweds at the hotel resort, they might as well torture her by being the most sickening pair of idiots who ever walked the earth. 

“Oh, you’re so silly. You go first, my sweet snugglepuff.”

“But I have to carry you over the threshold, lamb leg!” _What?!_

“It’s a revolving door, you silly billy.” 

R banged her head against the desk. Deep resounding thuds. She waved off one of the minions, who went to ask if she was quite alright.

“Just get to the damn reception, and check in,” she growled at her operatives. Then she watched on the security feed as they complied. 

“I’m Charles-” said Bond is his poshest, most obnoxious voice.

“-and I’m Percy-” added Q.

“-and we’re the Lamingtons!” they finished together. Seriously, did they practice it beforehand? 

“We just got married!” Q gushed at the receptionist, who gave him a slightly concerned smile. R wasn’t surprised. Only brainwashed kidnap victims looked that cheerful and lovesick after what was supposed to have been fifteen hours on a plane. 

“The Lamingtons,” the receptionist repeated as she typed. 

“Yes,” Bond drawled out. “My grandfather invented the cake, don’t you know.”

“Er, no, I didn’t,” the poor girl babbled.

“Oh snugglepuffling, don’t bully the young lady!” Q slapped Bond’s chest playfully. 

The receptionist typed faster, R noted. She herself had never before considered using such tactics to get speedier service but, apparently, they were very effective. 

“But, Percykins, it’s only polite to introduce oneself to the help,” Bond answered. 

R raised her eyebrows. Well, that was one cover as a rich arsehole established! She had to admit: Bond had talent.

“Room three-fifty,” the receptionist intoned with a stiff smile on her face. Bond snatched the key card with a smarmy smile, and let himself be dragged off to the lifts by his Percykins. 

Once inside he pressed R’s boss up against the wall and began assaulting him with his mouth and teeth. 

“The door’s closed now, agent,” R informed him. As if he didn’t know that! The fucker proceeded to stick his tongue down Q’s throat. 

“You need to actually _press a button_ ,” she continued, louder and shriller. “That’s how lifts work.”

Q let out a deeply disturbing moan and R whimpered. 

Of all the days for 007 to decide not to break cover on a mission!


End file.
